The Reasons I love you
by Avenger 22
Summary: Takes place during the episode 'Yellowjacket'. Jan is feeling depressed after Hank's death and a little rueful. She never really told Hank how she felt about him. And he never did either. But is Hank really dead? And can they patch up their relationship before it officially breaks?


The reasons I love you

Chapter One, Mistake

It was noon in Manhattan. Most people were either going to lunch or still stuck at the office. The streets weren't too crowded yet. The sun was shining down on the city brightly.

In one corner of the borough there was a large apartment building. Many people were entering or exiting quickly. There was one person, however, who ignored all the others. Her short, auburn hair would've been more recognizable if she had been wearing black and yellow spandex.

Hurriedly, she made her way through the lobby of her apartment building and into the elevator. She wasted no time in pretending to be happy. Because to her, today wasn't a very joyful day. In fact, it was the exact opposite.

_Right from the start you were a thief you stole my heart, and I your willing victim_

"I can't believe it. I just can't believe it," Muttered Janet as the elevator took her up. She wiped the tears from her cheeks. She couldn't stop them now, nor did she want to," I just can't believe he's gone. And I didn't even get to say good-bye."

Once she reached her floor she didn't bother to greet anyone on this floor either. Rushing to her suite, she ignored anyone who tried to engage her in conversation.

Once she reached her room she locked the door. She didn't care that her makeup was running and her clothes would be ruined. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

_I let you see the parts of me that weren't all that pretty, and with every touch you fixed them_

"I still can't believe he's gone." She muttered grabbing a tissue box and taking it to the love seat in her living room. Turning on the television, she tried to numb her mind to the fact that the only person she had loved in the world, maybe even the universe, had died today. And she hadn't even told him how she'd felt.

_Now you've been talking in your sleep_

However, no matter how hard she tried, her thoughts kept going back to him. The tall, scientist with sandy hair. His innocent blue eyes yearning for her. How many nights had she dreamt about him? About him returning, to the Avengers? Promising to give her, and the Avengers, another chance? How she had longed for not only his return, but this gentle touch as well.

The gentle touch that said everything would be okay. That everything, eventually, would go back to the way it had been before. But Janet knew now that nothing would be as it was before. Not now, and probably not ever.

The dreams and memories flooded her like a dam about to burst. She grabbed a tissue from the box next to her and began to blow. As hard as she could she blew. And didn't stop. Grabbing another tissue, she went back to the TV screen. Unfortunately, it was on a commercial break.

Which meant Jan's mind could roam anywhere it wanted. About anything it wanted. And that, right now, was a bad thing. No, not a bad thing. A terrible, awful, horrendous thing. Because in reality, Jan couldn't afford to think about Hank. About Hank's death.

To distract herself, Jan decided to play with her cellphone. She grabbed the small, yellow device off the coffee table in front of her. Immediately, she went to the missed calls file. She noticed there were four and all were fairly recent. The latest one was from yesterday.

Pressing the 'play' button Jan decided to listen to them. She knew it couldn't hurt, seeing as she had nothing better to do. That and she needed to take her mind off of Hank. It just hurt too damn much to think about him right now. She needed a distraction and she knew that drinking and drugs wouldn't help her.

_Ooh things you never say to me_

It was true; she had never really told Hank she had loved him. And he hadn't told her that either. There was once he might've tried, but that was in the past. It was over now. He was dead and she had to move on.

Having not really heard her first missed call, she replayed it. Immediately, the voice of her agent brought her back to the present. He had called about some designs for her new fashion line, which Jan had already emailed him. She deleted that one and went onto the next.

The second one was from Carol, one of her best friends and fellow Avengers. Of course, Carol wanted to know if Jan was okay. Of course she wasn't okay. What kind of question was it? Jan deleted it and listened to the next one.

This one was from Tony, and similar to the first one. He as well wanted to know if she was okay. And, maybe, if she felt up to it, would attend Hank's funeral later on that afternoon. He understood, of course, if she chose not to attend.

She swiftly got rid of that one and moved onto the last message. She looked at her caller I.D. Despite her gut feeling, she decided to play it anyway. Mostly, because she was curious. And partly because she wanted to hear what he had to say. Especially after all this time. Hell, it had been since someone had decided to use Hank's Ant-Man/Giant-Man suit on the news that she had seen him.

That strong tenor always made her weak at the knees. And even though she was sitting on the couch, she could still feel her knees give out.

**Jan, I know we haven't seen each other in a long time but that doesn't matter. I want to tell you that I've been working on something. Something that will help me, help us.**

**You told me that I could help the Avengers with my science. And I think I've found a way to do that. I'm designing a new suit I call 'Yellow Jacket'. I know you'll like it. It was designed to match yours. To be more like you.**

**I know quitting the Avengers hurt you, and it hurt me too. What I meant to say last time was that I'm sorry. Really I am. I know how you must feel about me right now. And well, I've moved past that. I know I wasn't the perfect boyfriend, but I'm hoping this will help you forgive me.**

**Well see you around, I hope.**

Janet stared down at the pink carpet. She almost couldn't believe her ears. She questioned whether what she had just heard was true. Was it? She couldn't afford not to believe it. Yet, she wasn't sure if this really was Hank, or just some robot he had used to record his voice.

With precision and speed, Jan reawakened her phone from its temporary sleep. Going back to her missed calls, she checked the time. 10:30pm yesterday. So it was before he had died.

_Ooh tell me that you've had enough, of our love, our love_

Finally, Jan couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't keep her resolve. Letting it all out, Jan's eyes overflowed with tears. Fast and furiously they came down her cheeks. Jan knew she had to let it out sometime. She just didn't realize that it would be at this moment.

_Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough_

_Just a second we're not broken just bent and we can learn to love again_

In an underground lab far from Jan's apartment was a brunet scientist. He worked diligently at his table. His azure eyes had bags under the bags. Rarely did he sleep, or even eat. Most of the time, his physical and mental capacity were spent on his work.

Ever since his "death" and even before his apparent death, Hank Pym had been spending time in his underground lab as well as the one at Grayburn College. For the most part he was alive and doing as well as someone like him could be.

This place had become more than just his lab, as the armchair, TV set, miniature fridge and punching bag indicated. It had become his home, at least temporarily. At least, ever since he had quit the Avengers.

During the months since his leave he had decided to build another lab. One that could give him everything he needed, while still allowing him to get what he needed.

Yes, his lab at Grayburn had been a ruse. A con, an act. The only thing he had really used Grayburn for was to make sure the Avengers believed him. And even Janet had believed him.

_It's in the stars, It's been written on the scars on our hearts_

Tony had been right about it. About everything. He hadn't slept in weeks, not real true sleep. Whenever he closed his eyes, it was usually over some late night project. And for his meals, he had consumed mostly pizza. Occasionally, he could order Chinese or take-out if he was feeling really hungry.

And he had called Tony. He had wanted Tony to see what he had made. However, he hadn't meant for Janet to come. Janet was an extra variable that he hadn't accounted for. It certainly had surprised him that Tony had brought her along. Then again, Jan was obstinate and couldn't be persuaded very easily.

But hadn't he already hurt her enough? First with quitting the Avengers, then when he had called her after he had left the mansion? So why had she decided to come and see him anyway? Even though he had expressed that Tony bring no one, and even though he had already hurt Jan?

Hank decided it was time to stop thinking about he and Jan's broken relationship. And start thinking about what he could do to fix it. Taking a break from his work, he took off his lab coat and wrapped his hands.

_That we're not broken just bent_

_And we can learn to love again_

Immediately his fists began pounding the bag. Left and right, left and right, over and over again. A series of continuous jabs at an enemy that couldn't even defend itself. But he didn't care. He kept going, all the while trying not to think of Janet Van Dyne.

The way her short, auburn hair reminded him of his first love. Her blue fiery eyes filled with determination and perseverance.

Just thinking about her made Hank more aggressive. His barrage of hits never lessened. His mind instantly went back to the phone call he had made to her yesterday. Before she had decided to pay him a visit against his wishes.

His mind shifted from the current moment, to Jan. Soon he couldn't tell the difference between his fist and the bag. He only knew that if he didn't do this he would truly go crazy.

_I'm sorry I don't understand where all of this is coming from_

_I thought that we were doing fine_

Yet no matter how hard he tried, he always found himself back at square one. The one person who had supported him no matter what. The one person he knew he could count on, and trust. The only person who truly knew him, aside from his friends in the scientific community.

But was their relationship truly at an end? Or was this a new beginning that he just hadn't seen or predicted?

_(Oh, we had everything)_

He could still hear her sweet soprano in his head. Floating in his heads and his memories every day. Not a day went by when his thoughts didn't go to her. Not a day, not a minute, and not a second. His thoughts were almost always consumed with her and whatever new project he happened to be working on at the moment.

_Your head is running wild again, my dear we still have everything_

But now he was ready. Ready to do whatever it took. Ready to do what it took to be with her. To be her man. Or whatever she needed him to be. Even if it was only friends, it was better than not being in her life at all.

Eventually he didn't even see the punching bag. Instead, he let his mind wander like it did most days. And today, it chose to remember Janet. Not just recall how good her hair smelled, or how beautiful she had looked on a particular day. No, he decided to recall everything and every moment he had ever had with Janet before and during the Avengers.

Seeing her for the first time in his lab at Grayburn, walking behind her father Vernon Van Dyne. Her father had been a short, stout man with thick russet. That day he had sported a beige business suit, which Pym remembered Jan railing him for.

The next when Jan had first visited him in his lab, after her father had been killed by the mysterious alien. That was the day he had given Janet and himself superpowers. It was a day he would never forget, and hoped she hadn't either.

Another time, when Jan had decided to visit his lab and she had left. This time, not to go to a meeting, but to apprehend a super villain. That was when Hank, being a pacifist, had warned her against using her powers to play the hero. Of course, he hadn't expected her to take down Whirlwind that way. Heaven only knew what could've happened if Janet hadn't been there to catch him.

And the time when he had had to fight Klaw for that Vibranium piece. Her arms wrapped around his neck and a loving smile on her face.

So why couldn't they have more of those? Why did he have to leave? Why had he left? Why hadn't he tried to fix their relationship?

_A/N: So I know I haven't written anything in a loooonnng time, but I'm back now! Anyway, I started writing this story when I first heard this song and knew almost right away that I wanted to pair this song with this couple. Despite that I probably have millions of other things I could be writing, I really wanted to do this project. So there you have it!_


End file.
